55 – Leshya

Keshena’s story gets real sad, real quick, and it doesn’t get much better by the end. The more I work on it, the more I understand the trauma of my own that I was expressing through her, and the errors in her thinking that lead to her never being able to grow beyond that. I can see how and why I dodged her fate. That’s… difficult to look at. Painful, and fascinating. I have to not give too many hours of the day to staring at it. There’s a level of self-examination that is healthy, and there’s a level that will cause you to pick yourself to pieces, atom by atom, until you are nothing but a heap for someone to move about with tweezers. I hit that second level by about nine in the morning most days.

Something for her daughter, then.

“If you always do the easy and pointless jobs, you’ll never have to WORRY about the important ones!”
(The Phantom Tollbooth is a very good movie slash book, and you should watch slash read it.)

Child of the morning, I failed you first.
Volcano’s daughter, born to sacrifice –
in that way, I guess I failed you twice.
I gave nothing; your father gave his curse.

Never did a thing in life but stumble.
When can one mistake erase all the rest?
Can’t even claim to think I did my best –
every time it mattered I would fumble.

What is it worth that I always loved you?
What does it matter, I thought it was right?
Each day you’re glad of the sky above you,
each day you don’t curse the day I birthed you,
will be a sign that I was more than spite,
that time has washed my poison out of you.

Check out the rest of the 100 Sonnets

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