15 – Charm Bracelet

Having a bad day. You know that especially life-affirming kind of stress where you can’t stop thinking, “If I were actually good at my job, this wouldn’t be stressful at all”? Not such a terribly helpful thought, but there it is. I was given a lot of charm bracelets as a kid. The first one …

13 – Blood Hammer

This is… something like a self-portrait. What some of my processes look like from inside. It’s not about guns, at all, so let’s just put that out there. The bullet is a metaphor, but it’s also an image from a recurring nightmare I’ve been having all my life. It’s now been about four years since …

AFS #2: Help with dissociation?

I’ve been kicking this one around for a good long time, so today’s question comes from r/asktransgender as of about three weeks ago. I’ll dig through my bookmarks and get a proper link up shortly. (Here it is. Turns out I was even slower about this than I thought – it was two months ago!) …

The End of the World

The Bosnian Chick Magnet is warm and clicking against her back, like a sleeping animal.  Ava stands with her eyes closed, enjoying the quiet. It’s the only car left at the gas station, which is why she hears the mourning dove calling. cooOOOO-hoooo-hoooo-hoooooo…. coooOOOO-hooo-hooo-hoooooo…. There are always mourning doves at the end of the world. …

Desert Desires

In the morning: I send a song to you. I choose it carefully. There’s always a reason. I’d tell you if you asked; no one ever asks. I only seem to do this for one person at a time – it’s my way of courting. Like leaving flowers at your door A mouse corpse on …

At the Miracle Sausage Factory

I haven’t had a lot to show you this week, but it’s not that I haven’t been writing – there are a lot of words in a few drafts here, they’re just sprawling and unfocused and I can’t toss up any kind of conclusion.  I’m having a hard time right now if you want to …

Why I Don’t Answer the Phone

I got into a conversation today about why abuse survivors feel like a burden on others.  This feeling has led me to a pretty suicidal realm at times, because it dovetails all too neatly with my other neuroses, but most people with trauma feel this way to some extent. Some of it is projection – …

Death and Other Distractions: Complex

Disconnected musings on suicidal depression and stumbling toward mental health. The stories in this series involve me being unusually frank and graphic about some fucked-up stuff, and therefore have the following blanket content warnings: Child abuse Self-harm and suicide Violence Drug abuse Mental illness Sexual assault and rape A shit-ton of swears

Character Select: M F [Cancel]

I don’t know what my body is supposed to look like, but it’s not this. Right now, that’s all I know. I look at page after page of pictures under the “androgyny” tag, and I see what I wish my body looked like.  Sure is surprisingly racist up in this aesthetic.  They are all white, …