A Manual of Happiness

One does not discover the absurd without being tempted to write a manual of happiness. – Albert Camus, “The Myth of Sisyphus” Content warning: lots of explicit talk about suicide and the mindset that accompanies suicidal ideation. I bang on about absurdism a lot, but I haven’t really put anything coherent together explaining what I …

79 – Naked

I gotta get back at the Shadowplay rewrite, if only because the world is always and perpetually lacking for decent queer love stories and erotica, and Keshena is a person who, ahem… gets around. She has some of the same issues relating to women that I do, obviously, as she’s the poor puppet I invented …

49 – Doldrums

Content warning: when I’m grouchy I get really gag-inducingly explicit about self-harm and suicidal ideation, I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s some kind of cry for help.

46 – Anachronism

One of the frustrating things about therapy, for me, has been that I feel immense pressure to give up portions of myself in order to be healthy. I’m not sure if this pressure is from my therapist or myself or both – probably a little of both. The thing is… I’m a person who loves …

41 – I’m Sorry

This one has a content warning. I’m sorry for this. I’m having a rough week. I feel like I shouldn’t burden you with this, but… I couldn’t manage to write about anything else. So, content warning: self-harm.

37 – Hold Your Breath

Ever since I got to this planet, it seems like I’ve been looking for a way out. I turn every door handle I pass, just to see – I’ve gotten into some ridiculous places as a result. I’m still looking for the one I’ll turn that will lead me into another world. This one has …

20 – Jump the Track

It’s been a day, friends and congregants. The more stressed I am in general, the more prone to dissociating I become. So I get to swing wildly between violent emotions at the drop of a hat and also totally disconnect from reality periodically. It tends to make stressful events rather harder to manage and thus …

15 – Charm Bracelet

Having a bad day. You know that especially life-affirming kind of stress where you can’t stop thinking, “If I were actually good at my job, this wouldn’t be stressful at all”? Not such a terribly helpful thought, but there it is. I was given a lot of charm bracelets as a kid. The first one …

13 – Blood Hammer

This is… something like a self-portrait. What some of my processes look like from inside. It’s not about guns, at all, so let’s just put that out there. The bullet is a metaphor, but it’s also an image from a recurring nightmare I’ve been having all my life. It’s now been about four years since …