Desert Desires

In the morning: I send a song to you. I choose it carefully. There’s always a reason. I’d tell you if you asked; no one ever asks. I only seem to do this for one person at a time – it’s my way of courting. Like leaving flowers at your door A mouse corpse on …

At the Miracle Sausage Factory

I haven’t had a lot to show you this week, but it’s not that I haven’t been writing – there are a lot of words in a few drafts here, they’re just sprawling and unfocused and I can’t toss up any kind of conclusion.  I’m having a hard time right now if you want to …

Why I Don’t Answer the Phone

I got into a conversation today about why abuse survivors feel like a burden on others.  This feeling has led me to a pretty suicidal realm at times, because it dovetails all too neatly with my other neuroses, but most people with trauma feel this way to some extent. Some of it is projection – …

Death and Other Distractions: Complex

Disconnected musings on suicidal depression and stumbling toward mental health. The stories in this series involve me being unusually frank and graphic about some fucked-up stuff, and therefore have the following blanket content warnings: Child abuse Self-harm and suicide Violence Drug abuse Mental illness Sexual assault and rape A shit-ton of swears

Character Select: M F [Cancel]

I don’t know what my body is supposed to look like, but it’s not this. Right now, that’s all I know. I look at page after page of pictures under the “androgyny” tag, and I see what I wish my body looked like.  Sure is surprisingly racist up in this aesthetic.  They are all white, …

Death and Other Distractions 2: The Bad Touch

The stories in this series involve me being unusually frank and graphic about some fucked-up stuff, and therefore have the following blanket content warnings: Child abuse Self-harm and suicide Violence Drug abuse Mental illness Sexual assault and rape A shit-ton of swears

Death and Other Distractions

I visualize the depths of depression as a well. Maybe your personal hell looks different. For me the important characteristics are: 1) It’s dark 2) It’s physically uncomfortable in myriad small ways 3) I can’t see anything but the Well when I’m in it That last part is critical. It’s what makes possible situations like …