99 – Lost and Found

This project has been therapeutic for me in a couple of ways – certainly if you’ve been following along at all you’ll notice me dumping my brainweasels all over everywhere, so it’s cathartic if nothing else. The more I do, and the more I force myself to see that I do, the more I acquire …

4 – Blonde Boye

Today you’re getting a poem about my big dumb childhood dog. Frances was named after this Frances, a little badger girl in a series of picture books I had as a kid. These books led first to me being nicknamed Frances – “Bedtime for Frances!” was both the title of one of those books and …

The End of the World

The Bosnian Chick Magnet is warm and clicking against her back, like a sleeping animal.  Ava stands with her eyes closed, enjoying the quiet. It’s the only car left at the gas station, which is why she hears the mourning dove calling. cooOOOO-hoooo-hoooo-hoooooo…. coooOOOO-hooo-hooo-hoooooo…. There are always mourning doves at the end of the world. …

Why I Don’t Answer the Phone

I got into a conversation today about why abuse survivors feel like a burden on others.  This feeling has led me to a pretty suicidal realm at times, because it dovetails all too neatly with my other neuroses, but most people with trauma feel this way to some extent. Some of it is projection – …

AFS #1: Should I tell my fiancée I’m trans?

So we’re currently at the ignoble stage where, in order to have anything to talk about, I’m appropriating questions from real columnists, like a mail thief who then shows up at your door to critique your marriage.  I think Prudie nailed it in responding to this question, and I think the practical advice is right-on.  …

My, How You’ve Grown

I’ve been reading this fantastic book, “The Family That Couldn’t Sleep”, about the history of prion research and fatal familial insomnia.  It’s incredible; I’ve been taking every excuse to babble about it all week.  The author’s approach is so compassionate and yet comprehensive – there are a lot of not-so-great people who nevertheless do important …

Death and Other Distractions: Complex

Disconnected musings on suicidal depression and stumbling toward mental health. The stories in this series involve me being unusually frank and graphic about some fucked-up stuff, and therefore have the following blanket content warnings: Child abuse Self-harm and suicide Violence Drug abuse Mental illness Sexual assault and rape A shit-ton of swears

(the empty set)

You wanna talk about how you feel? No. Okay.  What do you wanna talk about?   She’s got an empty set tattooed on her hand between thumb and forefinger on the left side, because she’s righthanded So when she poured the ink from a Bic into a bottlecap and dipped in a sewing needle tip …

Death and Other Distractions 2: The Bad Touch

The stories in this series involve me being unusually frank and graphic about some fucked-up stuff, and therefore have the following blanket content warnings: Child abuse Self-harm and suicide Violence Drug abuse Mental illness Sexual assault and rape A shit-ton of swears

Death and Other Distractions

I visualize the depths of depression as a well. Maybe your personal hell looks different. For me the important characteristics are: 1) It’s dark 2) It’s physically uncomfortable in myriad small ways 3) I can’t see anything but the Well when I’m in it That last part is critical. It’s what makes possible situations like …