36 – Voyager

I don’t know, man. My stressed brain is free associating. It’s been a long week. This is something vaguely space-y for an old friend.

“Tattered Mortal Dress,” July 2006

They bid you sit, and praised your decorum,
and then the awful fashion show began.
You shuddered at the glassy eyes of fans
advertising other forms of boredom.

A glass, a lens, a camera… an eye.
The closer you look, the less you can see,
nothing but an empty facsimile,
a sack of impulse calling itself “I.”

Broadcasting in wide band at all hours.
The neon signs have come between you and I.
But lady, I still swear by all flowers,
I always worshiped your shadow. Don’t cry –
when we were young and still had magic powers,
I broadcasted your name into the sky.

To Fractal in Motion

To Fractal in Motion, traveler, Penitent, Pilgrim, Disciple of the Sacred Teapot:

You speak truly when you say no one can fix you… but I think not in quite the way you mean. None of us can be fixed, not because we are not broken – we break each time we make contact with one another, for things in this universe are not meant to truly touch, are they? Your Little Gods, your atoms, never brush against one another, live always in their sparkling cloud of probabilities.

But we do. What occurs at the intersection of two sentient phenomena – I say phenomena, my friend, because I have counted many very personable Occurrences, Axioms, and the occasional Force among my beloved – is very literally metaphysical. To transcend the physical. When we interact, we touch, in a way no other particle in this universe can. And so we break. Fragile, never touched before, our skin cracks at the slightest contact, and we feel that we will shatter.

In that moment, we discover the only true opposition to entropy: our evolution, our becoming. Molten gold runs in the cracks and you are remade, the same but not the same, for now every inch of your soul is a map of where you fell apart, these scars not hidden but gilded.

So I agree that no one can fix you. You are fixed already, Wandering Gyre, Restless Spiral. The entirety of your pain, your loss, your forgetfulness, your destruction and reincarnation, are encompassed in this moment, in who you are. And so too are the things that enabled you to survive those events – the gold that holds you together.

Only when we make contact can we be broken, and only when we make contact can we be reforged. No one can fix you… but no one can fix themselves alone.

To Fractal in Motion

To Fractal in Motion, traveler, Tender of Stellar Weeds, Cold Wind and Wakefulness, Smell of Molten Silver:

There is so much worry in your letters.  I am sorry it’s taken me so long to answer – I have been immersed in your past.  It is interesting to hear the resonance between the words of years ago and these words you send me now – as if the same melody were played on the same instrument, but by a different musician.  There is not so much discordance between the two as you think, nor so much as I believe you hope.  The primary change I perceive is a distance that seems to have done you good.  In your journals, you are drowning in your own thoughts.  Now I believe you are merely submerged in them.  Perhaps you are learning how to swim.

I wonder – do you still perceive yourself as containing multitudes?  The iterative soul you contain seems to cause you grief, to scrape against your insides.  I see it pushing up your skin, rattling your ribs like a cage.  If it were within my power to reshape you with my fingers, I believe I could create a cage you would like better… but you may never find a physical embodiment that truly feels like home to you.  Perhaps you are late in your journey, impatient with this realm, eager to move on to the next.  Still… though you wear your humanity like an ill-fitting suit at times, you are human underneath as well.  Heartbreakingly so.  I have never known a human like you, and it seemed to me when I met you that perhaps I had never known one before.  The exception that proves the rule, I believe is the phrase?  Perhaps you wear a disguise to hide from yourself.

I hope you feel that today you have woken up, if only for a moment.  I hope you breathe in deeply this morning and taste each ray for its different flavor.  There is a flower in the garden to whom I have spoken your name – she nodded, and promised to keep you in her thoughts all day.