48 – Wisdom

My wife’s computer spontaneously shit itself a week or so ago, and so she’s been playing a lot of console games while we wait for the new machine-baby to arrive. There’s been a lot of Smash Bros., which is why this sonnet is about Zelda. It’s also about Zelda because Zelda, as a concept and …

42 – Master Puppet

My wife said, “You should write about… an altruistic adventurer! Something upbeat and heartwarming.”This is… not upbeat and heartwarming. When she said “altruistic adventurer,” what popped into my head was how a man would feel, having fought to save people on a one-to-one basis all his life, suddenly given a lord’s seat or a duchy …

40 – Hamlet

I know this sounds like more anti-capitalist ranting, but this time you are wrong, my dear children! The pigs are real, and they despise me for being a vagrant in their city. I’ve been playing Don’t Starve Hamlet all day and I’m feeling particularly ill-served by the local porcine authority. Stand there and watch me …

32 – Stabilized Glitch

At my wife’s behest, another one about No Man’s Sky. It’s all we’ve been playing lately. We’ve found a lot of [REDACTED] planets that have been mostly creepy as hell, and a lot of Breached and Anomalous planets that have been mostly beautiful. The creatures on such planets are usually… geometrical, or architectural, rather than …

30 – House of Waves

I was playing No Man’s Sky this morning, and I came upon the first ocean planet I’ve seen. I don’t think that was a thing before this recent update, but… I’mma be honest, guys, I’m not okay with it. It turns out that my thalassophobia is very real. I landed in my ship on one …

18 – Gelatinous Love

My wife told me to write about our gelatinous cube, Enzo, so this is her fault. Oh! What a joy it is to devour!You meet a fine young humanoid at work – You: Gelatinous cubeHim: Bandit jerk – and think, “I could digest you for hours.“ Inside’s where I keep all my favorite things.There’s certainly …

10 – In Memoriam Moron

Been playing Oxygen Not Included all day, so today’s offering is a rage-filled eulogy for my Duplicants. Your little asteroid-mining dudes are so breathtakingly stupid that they can and will: Build themselves into the wall like a very proactive Poe protagonist Get so stressed out by their need to pee that they stop fixing the …